I have decided that 2017 will be the year that I relish every moment, putting aside all unnecessary, useless means that make me think I have any control over the future. We let those small moments, like grains of sand, slip through our fingers in hope for clutching onto bigger things, and end up missing out on so much.
Looking back, this past week has been one of the best weeks of my life. But only because I've made myself aware of it all. We didn't luck into money or good fortune or anything new, I just finally got my head out of the clouds. I know I've been so unhappy the past few years because I can get so caught up in the ideal and needing control of outcomes. I feel like Harry who keeps coming back to the Mirror of Erised and I think Dumbledore hit the nail on the head when he happens upon Harry and the mirror:
"Now, can you think what the Mirror of Erised shows us all?"
Harry shook his head.
"Let me explain. The happiest man on Earth would be able to use the Mirror of Erised like a normal mirror, that is, he would look into it and see himself exactly as he is. Does that help?"
Harry thought. Then he said slowly, "It shows us what we want...whatever we want..."
"Yes and no," said Dumbledore quietly. "It shows us nothing more or less than the deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts. You, who have never known your family, see them standing around you. Ronald Weasley, who has always been overshadowed by his brothers, sees himself standing alone, the best of all of them. However, this mirror will give us neither knowledge or truth. Men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they have seen, or been driven mad, not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible.
"The Mirror will be moved to a new home tomorrow, Harry, and I ask you not to go looking for it again. If you ever do run across it, you will now be prepared. It does not do to dwell on dreams and to forget to live, remember that."
In all of my striving, I have forgotten to live. My hope for this new year is in finding more of God, ridiculously loving the people He has placed in my life, and pursuing truth and knowledge. If I have all of these things, I count myself a rich woman, for those are all I need!