An abandoned dream...

Around this time last year, I wrote a post being honest with myself that if I could pursue one thing in the whole entire world, it would be to design fabric. I'm forever oscillating between dreamy idealism and pessimistic realism. I spent all last Spring sketching, and gaining confidence. Then last Summer I took an online workshop on how to develop repeating patterns in Adobe Illustrator. It was challenging, and I remember pulling an all nighter to finish up my project by the due date. I had not worked that hard in forever, but watching my design unfold in the wee hours of that morning was more energizing than any cup of coffee or carefully curated play list.

I remember the first time I uploaded a sketch into Illustrator to trace and color and how nothing felt so right and to be honest, a little teary eyed at the whole process (I know, I know, I'm becoming my mother that my younger self used to giggle at).

Then, for whatever reason, I abandoned it. The dream was mismanaged and completely consuming. I understand that any lofty goal takes a lot of hard work, but I made it central to my identity. I have trouble with an all consuming passion of the things that I love, that I lose sight of reality. I spent this past Fall and Winter, realigning my priorities, thinking I had to abandon the dream completely. But evidently, there is still that small flicker burning inside of me.

I'm ready to begin again. With no solid expectations than for myself to put in a little bit of time every day. I'm currently working in my free time to finish up a quilt that my cousin commissioned me to do for him. It's one of my biggest quilts to date, but I'm hoping to have it finished by the end of the month. I've made the commitment that once I have that done, I'm going to spend an hour a day developing my skills/building a portfolio- watching Skillshare classes, taking inspirational photographs for my sketches, drawing motifs, and then uploading them into illustrator and building patterns. I tried stretching myself too far the last time, but I have a more focused, manageable plan this time around. I know I won't be happy until I at least try-so I pray that this time I can put in a good effort while keeping my life and ideals in balance.

My favorite focal print that I created last summer during the online workshop :)


7 comments:

  1. Dude, Illustrator is HARD. Talk about a learning curve - I'm still attempting to learn it myself for graphic design purposes. But it is doable, and I think an hour a day goal is just perfect - manageable, but you'll still make progress. I can't wait to see what fabrics you design! That deer print is gorgeous! I know I'll be buying some fabric you've designed one day.

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    1. Thank you so much, Angi! :) I'm getting ready to stalk out your email address from your blog, I have illustrator tutorials that you might be interested in!

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    2. SWEET!!! I'll make it easier on you -- angic83@gmail.com ;)

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  2. I LOVE that print!!! You are so talented and I can't wait to see what else you come up with. Now I'm going to need you to design a bunch of new fabrics and make a quilt for G ;) just kidding! But only sort of.

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    1. Thank you, dear friend! Your encouragement means so much. And G baby will have a quilt by Auntie J sometime!!!

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  3. You created that?!? I LOVE it! I would buy 3 yards right now if I could.

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